So, I decided to set my alarm early, an hour earlier than the kids typically get up so that I could have some time in the morning to myself to get ready, breakfast on the table, lunches made, beds made, a load of laundry started...so I did. I couldn't sleep because I never can. And by the time the alarm went off I REALLY did not want to get up. But I also REALLY wanted to be a totally kick trash mom. So I got up. Dressed. Bed Made. Breakfast on the table, kids dressed, lunches made, laundry going all by 8 am and we were off to school. Then it was straight to the gym where I got my butt kicked by some trainer and I couldn't use my arms for forever they were so dead. Then it was home and I was so tired I just wanted to take a nap, but I didn't. Once again, being a great mom.
So, I went outside with the kiddos, rode bikes and all that goodness until it was lunch time and then nap time for kiddos. I REALLY wanted to sleep now, but I didn't. I cleaned like a crazy woman because I wanted to get the cleaning done while the kids were sleeping so I could spend time with them when they were awake instead of telling them to leave me alone while I cleaned. I got the house pretty dang clean and I was really proud of myself. I even vacuumed the stairs and washed the sliding door window. Floors were all clean and the ktichen was sparkling. Pat on the back to me. Then I quickly showered, got ready, took the kids to store to get the things needed for the treat Harrison wanted to make with me (yeah I really was awesome today) picked James up from school, went straight to the pool (I packed all the swim stuff before I left, I think I deserve a gold star now) the kids swam and swam and got all that energy out. It was great. James is getting really good at the swimming thing, and Harrison continues to be a little more brave each time we go. Go Harrison!
Then it was back home, kids rinsed off and dressed and chore time for a bit. I helped each of the kids with their assigned chores until we were all finished and then I set them loose while I made dinner.
If it were up to me, and I am thinking it is, I would eat out every single night of the week. I love to cook meals, but I HATE cooking meals while trying to take care of whiny hungry kids at the same time. BAH! I burned part of dinner, and Ben hated the chicken. Sheesh. So much for my Gold Star now. But Harrison and I had made the delicious muddy buddies together for FHE so all was not lost. We had FHE, which James and I had discussed earlier and he helped with the lesson and everyone took part and it went fabulously.
I then realized that I was supposed to get James new shoes that day and had completely forgotten. So I gave Ben the job of putting the other kiddos to bed while James and I went shopping. Took James shopping, got shoes, came back as quickly as I could, sat and helped James with the rest of his homework (he does best at night when the others are in bed, trust me, we have tried everything else).
As I sat there I looked around the house. crushed muddy buddies around the kitchen and family room. spilled dinner on the floor (I swear I had cleaned it all up, but apparently not) toys all over. coloring pages from harrison from one end of the house to another. Dirty dishes in the sink. Crayon papers torn up and littering the floor. clothes hanging around, books out everywhere. Piles of unfolded laundry in the corner. Ugh. My house was a stinking mess. It's bedtime, I am completely exhausted and I have to start all over again with all those dang stinking chores! I worked my butt off all day long and no one noticed or cared or even liked it! I wondered why the world I push myself so hard to be a good mom when all I get is complaints about everything. I remember the days I worked at the hospital and they loved me. I worked hard and I was dang good at what I did and everyone told me so. Loved it. Here, I work my butt off, give it everything I've got and not only does NO ONE notice or care about it, everything I do gets undone within a matter of minutes and I have to start all over. This deal sucks folks. a lot.
So, all you mom's out there that have grown children. When the hell am I going to get my payoff? When am I ever going to see that all this work and frustration and devotion was worth it? Hmm? Because i am starting to think I NEVER will. They just grow up, & resent you for your terrible parenting.
I know you are reading this thinking that I hate being a mom and all that jazz but I really don't. I just need a maid. I like spending time with my kids and I like being a mom. I just really HATE being the maid. hate it. hate it. hate it. We talked in RS about getting joy from work. yeah, I get no joy out of it my friends. I get joy out of running, and working hard there, but not from scrubbing toilets.
I mean, today was a really good day. got a lot done and had a good time with the kids. All good things, and gold star mom worthy. But facing that messy house at the end of the day....sometimes it is more than I can handle. I just want to get in a hot tub and soak a while, but instead, I've got to go get muddy buddies out of the carpet. (who in the WORLD puts white carpet down ever???? I think I am buying a giant rug tomorrow).
