So, I decided to set my alarm early, an hour earlier than the kids typically get up so that I could have some time in the morning to myself to get ready, breakfast on the table, lunches made, beds made, a load of laundry started...so I did. I couldn't sleep because I never can. And by the time the alarm went off I REALLY did not want to get up. But I also REALLY wanted to be a totally kick trash mom. So I got up. Dressed. Bed Made. Breakfast on the table, kids dressed, lunches made, laundry going all by 8 am and we were off to school. Then it was straight to the gym where I got my butt kicked by some trainer and I couldn't use my arms for forever they were so dead. Then it was home and I was so tired I just wanted to take a nap, but I didn't. Once again, being a great mom.
So, I went outside with the kiddos, rode bikes and all that goodness until it was lunch time and then nap time for kiddos. I REALLY wanted to sleep now, but I didn't. I cleaned like a crazy woman because I wanted to get the cleaning done while the kids were sleeping so I could spend time with them when they were awake instead of telling them to leave me alone while I cleaned. I got the house pretty dang clean and I was really proud of myself. I even vacuumed the stairs and washed the sliding door window. Floors were all clean and the ktichen was sparkling. Pat on the back to me. Then I quickly showered, got ready, took the kids to store to get the things needed for the treat Harrison wanted to make with me (yeah I really was awesome today) picked James up from school, went straight to the pool (I packed all the swim stuff before I left, I think I deserve a gold star now) the kids swam and swam and got all that energy out. It was great. James is getting really good at the swimming thing, and Harrison continues to be a little more brave each time we go. Go Harrison!
Then it was back home, kids rinsed off and dressed and chore time for a bit. I helped each of the kids with their assigned chores until we were all finished and then I set them loose while I made dinner.
If it were up to me, and I am thinking it is, I would eat out every single night of the week. I love to cook meals, but I HATE cooking meals while trying to take care of whiny hungry kids at the same time. BAH! I burned part of dinner, and Ben hated the chicken. Sheesh. So much for my Gold Star now. But Harrison and I had made the delicious muddy buddies together for FHE so all was not lost. We had FHE, which James and I had discussed earlier and he helped with the lesson and everyone took part and it went fabulously.
I then realized that I was supposed to get James new shoes that day and had completely forgotten. So I gave Ben the job of putting the other kiddos to bed while James and I went shopping. Took James shopping, got shoes, came back as quickly as I could, sat and helped James with the rest of his homework (he does best at night when the others are in bed, trust me, we have tried everything else).
As I sat there I looked around the house. crushed muddy buddies around the kitchen and family room. spilled dinner on the floor (I swear I had cleaned it all up, but apparently not) toys all over. coloring pages from harrison from one end of the house to another. Dirty dishes in the sink. Crayon papers torn up and littering the floor. clothes hanging around, books out everywhere. Piles of unfolded laundry in the corner. Ugh. My house was a stinking mess. It's bedtime, I am completely exhausted and I have to start all over again with all those dang stinking chores! I worked my butt off all day long and no one noticed or cared or even liked it! I wondered why the world I push myself so hard to be a good mom when all I get is complaints about everything. I remember the days I worked at the hospital and they loved me. I worked hard and I was dang good at what I did and everyone told me so. Loved it. Here, I work my butt off, give it everything I've got and not only does NO ONE notice or care about it, everything I do gets undone within a matter of minutes and I have to start all over. This deal sucks folks. a lot.
So, all you mom's out there that have grown children. When the hell am I going to get my payoff? When am I ever going to see that all this work and frustration and devotion was worth it? Hmm? Because i am starting to think I NEVER will. They just grow up, & resent you for your terrible parenting.
I know you are reading this thinking that I hate being a mom and all that jazz but I really don't. I just need a maid. I like spending time with my kids and I like being a mom. I just really HATE being the maid. hate it. hate it. hate it. We talked in RS about getting joy from work. yeah, I get no joy out of it my friends. I get joy out of running, and working hard there, but not from scrubbing toilets.
I mean, today was a really good day. got a lot done and had a good time with the kids. All good things, and gold star mom worthy. But facing that messy house at the end of the day....sometimes it is more than I can handle. I just want to get in a hot tub and soak a while, but instead, I've got to go get muddy buddies out of the carpet. (who in the WORLD puts white carpet down ever???? I think I am buying a giant rug tomorrow).
10 comments:
Glad to know I'm not the only one that uses the word hell and hates cleaning up after everyone. Mothering is a pretty thankless job-I'm assuming when my kids are adults they might say "thank you"? Not sure about that.
I agree... Cooking and cleaning are definitely not my favorite... but I do them anyways cause they have to be done.
Hahahaha!!! This is why I delegate so many jobs to my girls. Amber and Jade do the dishes almost every night, they take turns scooping the cat box and feeding the cats, Amber scrubs the kid bathroom, and if either one of them gets in trouble at school, they get an extra job like washing windows, sweeping the kitchen, or folding a load of laundry. Even Paisley has 2 assigned jobs - she puts the silverware away from the dishwasher and helps Daddy take out the trash. It's how I keep my sanity.
You need to check out this wonderful blog post: http://natalielarson.blogspot.com/2011/03/feeling-down-on-yourself.html
Also, I think you are trying to be a super mom like you run a marathon. You don't have to keep going when you are exhausted. In fact, I think you should stop and take that nap. Mom's need mom time and in my opinion you cannot be a good mom without it. When John and I were first married, I saw Mary who was always tired, never showered, never did anything for herself. I decided then and there that I needed showering time, and reading time, and exercising time in order to be a good mom. And I do most of those every day. And my kids are okay, and mostly happy. And sure, I know they will go through an "I hate my mom stage" but in some ways that seems to help them leave father and mother and cling to a spouse. So actually that probably isn't so terrible.
And one last thing from this email like comment. I do one scrubbing chore in the morning (Like the bathrooms, or the kitchen floor) Then we don't clean our house for the whole day. We have a late dinner (like 7pm) and then all of us clean the whole house together including bathing he little kids, and the backyard. Then we get the little mess makers to bed and spend time with the not so mess makers. That way we go to bed with a clean house. I can nap, or exercise, or read, or practice the piano while the kids nap, and still go to bed with a clean house.
Actually, and I am sure anyone who knows this will second me on it. YOU ARE AMAZING EMILY!!!! And someday, your kids will know it too!
I like this post a lot. It makes me feel better about choosing to NOT stress about the house and the laundry. Sure it's ugly sometimes and can be frustrating. but I'd sure rather spend time with my kids then fold laundry. and you know what? I think they would prefer that too. Now, if only James could feel that way and be able to find his work clothes on his own, then we'd be set! ;o) haha.
And can I just say? this post inspired me! I really like the idea of getting up early and getting some things done before the kids wake up. I think it's very very important to get things done and spend time with your kids, so I like this. However, you can't run on empty. So maybe, do this again...but just sleep during naptime, or read a good book. or watch your fave TV show. something that is relaxing to you. Don't stress about the kitchen sparkling, because you know it won't be later. haha. but seriously - you are awesome! but i already thought you were a kick A mom before you posted this...so I think you're good.
You guys would be proud. I took a nap today. Just a short one, and man it felt great! I had forgotten how tired I get when I am training for a marathon. And running in the heat and humidity here really takes it out of me. At least I only have a month of training instead of 6. :)
Also, I like the idea of doing one deep cleaning chore a day and then nothing else until the end of the day and make those kids help you out. I mean, they help out a little, a very little, right now. But they can do more.
I am still getting up an hour earlier though, I need to do that. I really like that. Then I don't feel guilty if I do lay down for a min. in the afternoon.
Thanks for all your comments!
Emily. Now, we're going to breathe. In. And out. In. And out. First, let me tell you that I could have written every single word exactly as you laid it out here - dozens of times. Now, I'm fifty nine flippin' years old and I have this to say: no kid is going to look back and say, "Wow, my mom was great. The house was CLEAN all the time. And my clothes just appeared in my drawer, folded and fresh. Wow, Mom, thanks for making sure the bathroom sink gleamed like silk!!"
They won't remember. They don't care about that. They could live in a splintery, dirt floor cabin and it wouldn't phase them. They'd be perfectly happy if you dumped the clean clothes in a pile in the middle of the floor of their rooms, and they just pulled stuff out of that till it was gone. THEY DON'T CARE.
What they DO care about is how you look at them. How you listen. If you have fun together. If you care about what happens to them. Listening is THE biggest thing - listen to a kid, look him in the eye, remember what he says, take him seriously, and he'll believe in you when he's sixteen.
Life goes on with dust and mud on the floors and dishes in the sink. We LDS quote that thing about "...a house of order" to each other as if it were dictated to the RELIEF SOCIETY instead of to the pres of the church about the TEMPLE.
Dust. Dishes. Gleaming floors. These are things that satisfy OUR aesthetic. They are historically the sign that a woman is hardworking and respectable - but how many clean sinks ever turned out a really good kid? I have a sign on my wall (given to me by my husband and hated by my mother) that says, "A clean house is the sign of a misspent life."
The definition of insanity is: doing the same thing over and over again in the belief that, THIS TIME, there will be a different outcome. Every time you dust, the thing gets dusty again. And will through eternity. But a child is changing and choosing every single day - different every day. And that is your job. The teaching. The loving. The listening. To hell with the house.
Just don't invite ANYBODY over who would be so shallow as to judge the quality of your choices in life by the dust/dishes/floors. That's the worst time, when a stranger in your house forces you to look at it from the outside. But you have to look at it from the INSIDE. Are the children learning? Are they safe? Healthy? Happy? Growing? Are they getting along with each other? Are they exercising their imaginations? Do they believe in you? Do they believe you care about them? Do they see you as intelligent? Because that's what counts.
I have cleaned house one million times. But it was making my KIDS clean the house that taught them to pay attention to their things, to value what they have, to work till the job is done. Use them as slave labor and you kill two birds with one stone.
Honest - after almost six decades, I'm tellin' ya - you ask Cam what he remembers about our house and our relationship - I mean it. Ask him.
Yes, the chores get exhausting!! It's a hard one. I have my kids each do a chore each day (one unloads the dishwasher, one sorts the dirty clothes, and one dumps the garbages or fold 10 towels. When they are notty, they get another chore--often folding 10 towels. I have to say that our towels are folded sloppy--though Jonathan is getting it down quite well actually! But it's great to not have to do every single thing myself, it actually really helps.
oh and you don't have to do it if you don't want to. but just FYI I gave you a blogger award. haha. I know it's lame. but I really do love your blog and I want everyone else to enjoy it too. so there you go.
http://jbclary.blogspot.com/2011/05/i-dont-know-what-it-means.html
Hey Em. I am a little late reading your blog, but I have to say I "enjoyed" reading it. I don't enjoy reading about how unhappy you felt, but I enjoyed the honesty. I think we all have times like that. A few thoughts:
Yes, you should totally make your kids help--they're capable of way more than I think most people think. However making kids work, as you know, is often more time-intensive than not but of course still needs to be a priority. I think you already do that.
You should have taken the nap, as it sounds like you realize. Whenever I'm having really, really unhappy days, there is usually some basic thing that is out-of-whack: sleep deprivation, not enough (healthy) fat in my diet, extreme stress/guilt over a big thing I'm procrastinating, missing prayers and scripture study, etc. That "sharpening the saw" thing really is true, but I agree it's hard to stop your "productivity" to do that.
I don't think we're always supposed to love everything we do as SAHM. I think the amazing/noble thing is that we do it in spite of hating aspects of it or being fed up with it at times. That's what makes it all about sacrifice and love.
And I agree, I would like to be a much better housekeeper than I am, more organized, less messy, etc. and I do work on that all the time. But I also realize that I choose my level of messiness because some things to me are more important. It's more important to me to not be stressed out, exhausted, sick with Crohn's flareups, not able to have any outside interests or pursuits, etc. than to always have things in perfect order.
And by the way, I really appreciated Diane's and K's comments. Those are some wise women. I wish I knew more of Diane's secrets because she obviously has some good things figured out. But every one in the family has a different style too so it's all good.
Finally, there are so many things you are absolutely outstanding at. I won't even go into the extensive list but we admire all of your qualities a ton. And your kids pick up on those qualities in the same funny way that kids end up talking and walking and having the same mannerisms their parents do. And you're teaching them too. So you are doing great and they will thank you. I thank and appreciate my parents now. It is possible. :)
Post a Comment