My Adidas

It was early morning, a large crowd, and I was standing there waiting. Waiting the for the gun to sound. It sounded and I took off. I was amazed at how well and fast I could run. I felt like I was flying. I just kept running as hard and as fast as I could until I crossed the finish line and won the race. I felt on top of the world. Then I woke up.
I had that dream less than a year ago. When I awoke I wanted to keep that feeling, I wanted to be able to run like that. I hadn't really run in years. Every now and then I would go for a little jog, but that is all it ever came to. Shortly after this dream I was shopping at Costco and saw a pair of Adidas running shoes. They were white and pink and about $20, right in my price range. I bought them and was very eager to try them. It was the start of the summer and the weather was perfect for running. I could put my kids to bed and it still go running before it got dark. I remember those first few weeks of running. I started out running on a treadmill, and I would just try to make it past that first mile without stopping. It was very difficult and required a lot of concentration. After a while I was doing 2 miles, and then up to 3. I remember thinking, just make it to mile #2, or to that next corner, or just past that house. It always took a great deal of effort.
My first 5K this summer was in June. I had been sick the day and hadn't really eaten anything. The race went up the hill past the temple, and was much harder than I had expected. But I was extremely proud of myself for not quiting and running the entire way. My time was just over 30 minutes. I ran my next race in July with a time of 29 minutes. Shortly after that I met Tiana. She is my neighbor and was looking for someone to run with. We decided to try running together to see how that worked out and set up a time for the following morning. I remember those first runs very well. She was a better runner than I, and so once again I was pushing myself. It felt so good though. I was always proud of us when we ran 3 miles without stopping or picked up the pace. Somewhere in there we decided to do a Marathon in the spring. So we started doign long runs on Saturdays. The night before our first long Saturday run I couldn't sleep all night. I was so nervous. I had only ever done 3-4 mile runs and I had no idea how I would ever be able to run more than that. Well, 6 am came pretty soon and I met Tiana outside for our run. To my great surprise it was extremely easy. We ran 3 miles, walked one minute, and then ran 3 more miles. I remember feeling great the entire time. I never thought Just make it to the next stop sign, or make it past that house. It was just very comfortable and easy to do. We did 6 mile runs throughout October. At this time I signed up for a Spin class to help my knees. And let me tell you what, that hour spin class is just about the hardest thing in the world. But it does help my knees, has gotten easier over the months. In November we bumped the miles to 9, and then 10, and today we ran 12.8 miles for the third week in a row. It has gotten much much harder to run in the cold. My legs are never sore, and I am never out of breath. But my face is freezing. My hands are burning from the cold air, I have to watch every step I take and change the way I am running so I don't slip on the ice, and my water pack is frozen solid. and for some strange reason I love it. I love running. I love conquering that hill the seems so impossible when you first face it, but you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and give it all you've got and before you know it, you are on the top of the hill victorious. I love seeing how far I can each time. I love it when I have already run 10 miles and we decide to run as fast as we can for the remaining time. I love seeing what my body and legs are capable of doing. I am always so amazed by it. I love coming home and telling Ben about the extra miles we did. Or those hills we ran up. Or the deer we passed by. I can't wait for the day or the Marathon. I can't wait to see how well I perform. I can't wait to start it, and I can't wait to cross the finish line. I want to always run like this. I want to do Marathons all my life because I never want to lose what I have now. I want to run with my kids when they are older. I want to be the mom with all the kids that still runs races all the time. I love learning about running; form, nutrition, gear, shoes. I love all of it.
Last week I finally went to the running store and bought another pair of running shoes. But as I went out for my run and passed my old Adidas in the entryway, a little sadness came over me. Those shoes were what got me going. I liked the way they looked and felt when I ran. So I often went running just so I could wear those shoes. They have covered all those miles with me, and gotten me here. I will always keep them I think. I love those shoes. So I dedicate this blog to my old pink Adidas for helping me fulfill that dream I had almost a year ago.

Snowballs

This morning James and I went around to his friends houses and delivered little chocolates we had made. Most of his friends were not at home, but he and I had a good time anyway. As soon as we had gotten outside James was in the snow. I had just walked past him when smack, I had been hit with a snowball. I turned around and there was James getting another snowball ready. He threw this one as well and it was actually a pretty good snowball and hit me square in the chest. I laughed. From then on in between each house James would go straight to the snow and throw another snowball at me. We had a good time, I was surprised at how well he could throw those things though.

Bath Time

We had lasagna for dinner tonight, which Harrison completely enjoyed...completely. Meaning, his hair, ears, face, hands, and the rest of his body was covered. So it was straight to the tub with him. And I can never give one boy a bath without giving the other a bath as well. We went into the bathroom, I set Harrison down, turned on the water, turned around to see James getting Harrison undressed. He did a really good job actually and even took His diaper off for him, then he proudly stated that he had helped Harrison get ready for the bath. It made me laugh. Then Harrison did his usual pee trick right as he is getting into the tub and just after the diaper as come off, but before long the two boys were splashing and making a lovely mess of the bathroom. Throughout this summer I was trying to teach James how to hold his breath under water, he got really good at it and when he jumped in the pool, would sink all the way to the bottom and then slowly pop back up and laugh his head off. However, he will not stick his face under the water in the tub. And usually gets upset when water gets in his eyes or whatever. but tonight I think he was feeling very adventuresome. Because he plugged his nose and put his entire head under the water, face first and then blew as hard as he could, making huge bubbles. Harrison started laughing so hard. He laughs a lot, but I don't think I have ever heard him laugh this hard. James kept blowing bubbles over and over and Harrison about passed out from laughing so hard. I really wished that Ben had been home so he could have gotten the camera and recorded it becuase it was the cutest thing.
Oh another cute thing today. James was upset about something, I don't remember what, but anyways, so he was just whining and being grumpy, and then Harrison came up to him and jsut hugged him, and patted his back and hugged him again. I seriously almost busted tears it was so sweet. Oh and speaking of little tantrums, James and I were making little chocolates to take around to his friends and Harrison has already eaten plenty and I told ihm he couldn't have any more. So he went over to one of the kitchen cupboards, completely emptied the thing to show me his anger, and then immediately put everything back in its place. That made me laugh. Ah, my boys. Never a dull moment, that is for sure. Wow, this is a random blog.

Sick Little James

This past week has been extremely hectic. Mostly because James has gotten pretty sick, Ben has broken his arm while playing Basketball, and Harrison just wants to be held because no one is playing with him. Makes for little time to do anything besides try and keep up. But that is okay because as I have learned many many times, this too shall pass. So, while the laundry is piling up, the dinners are boiling over and burning, and the floors look awful, I have noticed something. As most of you know, James can be the sweetest most golden little kid there evevr was, but there is also the other side. He can throw a pretty good tantrum. And since the weather has turned cold and the kids are not playing outside as much, the tantrums are showing up more often than usual. I have really been struggling with how to deal with them. He is extremely strong willed, and very energetic, and when he gets really upset it is hard to know what to do. I want my kids to be good kids, who doesn't want that though? I want them to listen, to obey, to be good, to be happy, to enjoy life. I want them to know that there are consequences to every decision they make, whether it be good or bad. I want what every mom wants I guess. So when I see him do something that I don't like, I tend to freak out about it, not really but sort of. Not because I am angry at him, just because I want him to learn, but it often comes out in anger. And he will often get angry back, which leads to a battle of wills....and I never really know how it ends, but it always makes me sad. So anyways, during this time that he has been really sick I have noticed that he has been extremely good. He has been so sweet, and thoughtful. Always saying thank you, and telling me he loves me and obeying me even when he doesn't want to, like telling him he has had enough TV for the day, and he just turns it off. I haven't had any problems with him. So, I started to wonder why. Maybe it was because he was sick and didn't have as much energy as usual...that didn't really make a lot of sense. But then I realized that I had been spending a lot more time with him, and had been much more caring and conscious of his needs than I usually am. That I was much much more patient with him than I usually am. I realized that his attitude often is just reflecting my own, and if I want to teach him all the things that I want to teach him, and to be the person that I hope him to be, that I need to be that person as well. I need to demonstrate the qualities that I am always teaching him about, but then yelling at the guy that just cut me off, or yelling at my kids for breaking this or that thing in the house. Yeah, they need to learn not to break things, and all that stuff. I just need to teach them in a much more loving way than I often do. My neighbor and I were visiting the other day and her little girl is a lot like James. She and I were having the same struggles with our kids and she later made the best point. She said that with her son, she was not required to change really. He was very mild mannered, but that her daughter has changed her. Because of her daughter, she has had to learn to be more patient and loving and change how she does things. I had had a similar thought a few days before that. I always pray for help to be a good mom, and I always pray for more patience, especially with James. Heavenly Father can't just give me more patience, I have to learn to be patient. I realized that he has just given me that opportunity to learn to be more Christlike. Anyways, reading this email makes it sound like James is this all bad kid, but he isn't. He has a heart of gold. truly he does. He has said the sweetest things I have ever heard kids say. He really wants to be good, he just has a strong will which one day will do him a lot of good and give him the drive to do amazing things in his life. I just need to help guide that will with love instead of anger.

My beautiful Little Boys

I remember before Ben and I got married and we were deciding whether or not to wait a while before having kids. We of course prayed about it, and I remember just knowing that a little boy was waiting to come to our family. I knew that we were going to have a honeymoon baby. And we did. James was born 2 days before our 9 month anniversary. I still can see his cute little face all scrunched up the first time I held him. He looked just like his dad. As soon as he was born Ben said "I hate to say this but he looks just lke me. And he did. It was so unreal to be holding my baby. I almost didn't know what to do. then he started to cry, and cry, and cry. He was hungry and I knew exactly what to do. I had never nursed before and was somewhat scared to do so. But I just wanted to feed my sad little hungry baby. So I did, and yes he was hungry. I loved that time with James. It was just him and I. I would take him for walks every day. Usually several times a day. We would be so excited at every little thing he did. The day we brought him home from the hospital he rolled right over, no problem. He was always very physically advanced. He was sitting up at 3 months, crawling at 6, and walking at 9 months. He seemed to grow up so fast. He was always my little bud though, and still is. I love it when he comes to me in the morning and says "good morning sunshine" or when he says "mom, you can come rock me if you want" or "mom you can come play with me if you want". I am often trying to get some laundry folded or clean up the lunch mess or whatever chore that needs to be done, and then I think to myself "you know, one day he won't want me to come play with him, these days are numbered" So we go build some legos, or color, or sit in his room rocking in that chair and singing all the primary songs we know.
When James was about one year old I was once again baby hungry. I felt that it was time once again and that this time it was a girl. I was so positive it was a girl. The pregnancy was 100% different than last time, and I kept having dreams about a little girl. So when the day of the ultrasound came and we were told it was boy I was shocked. I seriously couldn't even believe it. I watched the ultrasound like 10 times to remind myself that I was having a boy. I was very grateful that everything looked well and that he appeared to be healthy, but I will admit I was a little sad that I wasn't getting my little girl. To get myself excited about boy #2 I made the cutest baby boy blanket ever. then I got a few new little boy outfits and a little green striped gown for him to come home in. 5 weeks before Harrison was supposed to arrive he stopped moving. 100% stopped. I told myself that this was normal and that he would start moving soon. By the evening there was still no movement. I sat on the couch sobbing as Ben made me call the DR. He of course told us to go straight to the Hospital. We went, I was sure at this point that we had lost the baby, but to my great relief the found the little guys heartbeat. Well, things went downhill from there. his heartbeat would not stay steady. It kept dropping. Until about 4 am his heart rate dropped to be almost non existent. I remember laying there hot tears streaming down my face as nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists were running in and out of the room. They were getting me ready for a C-section, and then his heart rate jumped right back up. So they decided to just watch and see what happened. This went on for several hours. his heart was fine and then dropped and then fine and then dropped. finally the Dr came and asked Ben and I what we thought we should do. We decided to go ahead and have the baby, and be ready for a c-section at the first sign of trouble. It was such an easy and fast labor. He came extremely fast, with only a little heart trouble during. He gave one little squeak when he came out, but then stopped. The room was packed with Medical people, and they immediately began to work on him. They had to resuscitate him and got him breathing, but he was still having a hard time breathing on his own. The nurse, Carol who has helped with both my deliveries, brought him over to me quickly and told me they were taking him to the NICU but that I could see him for a moment. I remeber seeing his beautiful face. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. He was so tiny. I have never been filled with so much love for something as I was at that moment. I told him he was beautiful, that i loved him, and to be strong. Then they took him to the NICU. He was strong, we took him home 5 days later. Ben would stay up all night and watch Harrison, to make sure that he was okay. And he was. You would never know that he had struggled in the beginning if you saw him now. He is our little joy. We called him our angel baby. He was so sweet, and still loves to be held and loved. He is also a tease. I always have said that he as a little twinkle in his eye. He loves to laugh and loves to make you laugh. And that blanket I made him has been in his bed since the day we brought him home. Now he won't sleep without it. He calls it "deedee". He just laughs when you bring it to him. James and him have become very good friends, yeah they fight ovevr this toy or that, or harrison broke my lego set or whatever. But Harrison loves fuzzy things, and James has very fuzzy crazy hair. So when Harrison would get sad James would lay his head in Harrison's Lap and let Harrison just pull the heck out of it. I always thought that was so sweet of James. He also takes care of Harrison. James will find his sippy cup for him or his blanket or his froggy, or whatever it is that Harrison wants. the two boys love each other, though they drive me absolutely crazy, I love them more than anything. They are my joy. I love seeing them play together and laughing together and being mischievous together. I am sure they will continue to get into all sorts of trouble as they get older, but what fun memories I will have when I am older.
Last week our neighbor took some pictures of James and Harrison. He took several, but I thought I would post a couple of them. We only got 2 shots of them together, and neither is great. Harrison was tired of getting pictures. But the others are so cute, i love my little boys.

The Christmas Stocking

Growing up, my mom made each of us a felt stocking. Each was different, and mine had a teddy with a pink bow on it. I really liked that stocking, but I always took for granted how much work my mom had put into that thing. My kids have used my old stocking and some junky old stocking from the dollar store for the past few years and so this year I decided to make their stockings. James wanted a train on his stocking. I thought, "eh, that won't be too hard". So I bought the felt and all the trimmings for the stocking and came home ready to make a train stocking. First off, I had to make the lovely pattern because I had none, but stockings are a pretty basic shape and it was easy. From then on things went slow. Trying to design a cute colorful train that would fit, trying to figure out how to stick the felt on..I had some glue issues, but finally got it figured out. Cutting out all the tiny little felt pieces for the presents, snowflakes and wheels, and then gluing on without making a terrible mess of it. Lets just say that my life has been devoted to that stocking past few days and last night...very late last night I finished. It was a lot of work, but James sure does love the thing. He said "mom! is that my train? It is SOO cute! I love the sparkles." There are little sequin things on the wheels. Anyways, I do have to admit it is a pretty cute stocking, but I think Harrison will get is next year and use my old teddy bear stocking this year. Oh and sorry the picture is sideways...I don't know why that happened, I didn't take the picture sideways...oh well.

The First Snow

I remember as a kid waking up in the morning and looking out the window to see the freshly fallen snow. I loved the way the trees looked, every branch lined with beautiful white snow. And how everything seemed to be just standing still. It was always so peaceful and magical to me. I also of course loved getting bundled up and breaking the winter silence with screams from being hit by a snowball or sliding down the hill in my parents backyard. I loved coming inside after hours of freezing cold enjoyment and sitting in front of the fire to get warm. I love the smell of fires. It always brings so many memories to mind. I loved the winter as a kid, and so when I got up to go running this morning and saw the falling snow. I knew that my kids would be excited to wake up this morning and see the snow. As soon as I returned from my run (which was 10.5 miles in the falling snow....yeah I have to brag a little about that, it was rough) I got the kids bundled up and we went outside to play in the snow. Harrison was mostly amused by his new boots. The first steps he took with them on made me laugh so hard, it was very frankenstein-ish. But he really enjoyed running around in the snow as well. My neighbor had a sled and let me borrow it. So I loaded the boys on that and we ran around for a minute or two. James made some new friends and played outside with them for a couple hours. They had a good little snow fight and made several snowmen. Oh, when I was taking these pictures I told James to look at me and smile and I looked through the camera at James just as he was throwing a big snowball at me. That made me laugh. After all the fun was over and the kids got cold we came inside for hot baths, soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. What more could you ask for?